But What If I Like Math?

"If money wasn't an issue, what would you do with your life?"

^This is usually the opening line for people to start conversations about not being boxed in to what society wants you to do with your life, to be free and do what it is you really want to do deep down inside like paint pictures of pandas all day.

I really hate this line because it makes me feel bad about liking what I do. I'm a math and science person. I love logic and using my brain and concrete facts. Open-ended questions, like the ones you get all the time in English class, scare me. This obviously doesn't mean I am a robot. I love reading and writing and being creative quite a bit, but not enough to interest me in a whole career centered around that.

Just because I want to go into a field that does make a respectable amount of money doesn't mean that I'm selling my soul for material wealth and not actually doing what I really love. What if the thought of using formulas to solve problems actually makes me happy?

I'm not hating on anyone who's dream it is to be an artist or dancer or anything of that sort. I'm just saying that it's not for me and I feel kind of judged for it.

No Biggie

I have only realized that I have failed to share a pretty major milestone in my life. Seriously, it's all any conversation I have with an adult I slightly know or am just meeting is about. I need to go sit in the corner of shame for a while and think about what I've done. But first, the news.

As you can probably infer from when I straight up tell you I'm in my last year of high school, I'm in my last year of high school. That means I'm headed off for university next year which is a both terrifying and exciting thought. Terrifying in that everything will be new and you have to fend for yourself. I've heard many horror stories about how your prof doesn't care about you and that your final will be worth most of your marks. And then all the what ifs of me not being able to handle it and not finding a group of people that doesn't want to only party at all times going through my head doesn't help at all.

First though, you gotta apply. I sent in my applications about two weeks after we got our pins from OUAC, which is the website Ontarians apply through. No little than three days later, I got my first two acceptances, both from OttawaU. Maybe two or three days later, Carleton called in with news of acceptance as well! I actually worked hard in grade 11 so they liked what they saw I guess.

Here's a summary of what I got myself into: At OttawaU, I got in for mechanical engineering and physics while at Carleton I was accepted for engineering physics (I see a pattern here.) Both universities gave me a $3000 per year entrance scholarship (that's 12,000 bucks ladies and gents. Super helpful!) and Carleton threw in a $2000 eng. phys scholarship cause they like me. My final decision is to go to OttawaU for mechanical engineering and do coop because I hate the feeling of being in debt plus who can say no to a little on-the-job experience? Staying home is much cheaper so I went with that even though my dream school is the University of Waterloo where math and science are really big.


I'm glad I finally got it over with and have a destination post-high school. I'm still wavering over whether I made the right choice between engineering and physics since I enjoy my physics classes very much but haven't actually had the chance to try out mechanical engineering, I only know what I've heard. I REALLY don't want to be stuck with something that I don't enjoy doing. I guess it all has to be taken one step at a time.

One AWESOME thing that has come out of all this (besides getting in and getting scholarships) is that I finally have something concrete to tell people when they ask me what I'm thinking of doing next year. No vague answers, I can tell them what I'm going into and where and let them draw their own conclusions!

The Chapters Gig

Perhaps some of you care about the goings on in my life so I thought I might share a bit about how work is going. To recap, I got a job at Chapters which is a big Canadian book store (I never realized that people might not know what it is since it's huge in Canada but not anywhere else.) for the seasonal time and got kept on to work part time. It's pretty much my dream job since I love reading so I just get to be surrounded by books.

Welcome to Introverts Anonymous

I go through ups and downs in my opinion towards having a job there. I am SO NOT a people person so having to interact with that many people tires me out and approaching them to ask if I can help them even though most of the time they don't want any still scares me. It feels like I'm putting myself out there and then am getting rejected even though it's not me they don't want to talk to, they just want to shop alone. It sucks cause being introverted means you need to be alone to recharge so I need lots of recharging time after spending a couple hours surrounded by people and talking to people and being all bright and cheery even when people don't deserve a bright and cheery me.


But when I start thinking these thoughts, I rationalize that if I had any other job, I would have the same deal with all the people but I wouldn't care about the product. The fact that I am surrounded by books and get to recommend awesome books to people more than compensates for anything. I imagine working at a drugstore or something where there's monotone everyday items and know that I would hate it the whole time since I would feel no connection. There is no better feeling than finding a voracious reader that has read all the mainstream books like The Hunger Games, Divergent, The Fault in Our Stars and Warriors and giving them a bunch of equally amazing books like The True Meaning of Smekday, Graceling, Enclave or Heist Society.

Also, the type of people that shop there are the best kind. I get so many teachers that are selflessly using the Chapters gift cards they got for Christmas to buy more books for the classroom. Once you get past the book convos and learn about people's lives, it really is fun talking to them. I met this one girl that was only 10 but training really hard to be a professional figure skater. Who knows, maybe she'll be in the Olympics one day. One little girl bought a doll and whispered to her mother that she was going to name it after me. Proudest moment of my life right there. (I work in the kids section which is why I have so many anecdotes about children.)

Most of my co-workers are older than me so I'm mostly a fly on the wall to the conversations in the staff room since I know nothing about taxes or cleaning up after my children. However, they are all very nice to me and ask about school all the time. All the managers are so nice and the atmosphere of all the employees is amazing. Especially when I hear the horror stories my friend tells me of her manager who calls her ugly "jokingly" sometimes.

About that "everyone who works there is way older" thing, it makes me super proud of myself to have landed the job because it's a really rare thing for someone my age to do it.

In conclusion, I'm glad this is the job I have to pay my way through university but I am SO GLAD it's not permanent and that I can go get a research job where I can wear jeans and not talk to people for hours. It's perfect for my current situation so I hate to complain just because it's tough sometimes.